The first time a child talks back usually catches parents totally off guard and they have a tendency to overreact. Parents don’t want their authority questioned, but often struggle with how to deal with it effectively. We’ve all witnessed awful confrontations between parents and their kids in public places and we certainly want to avoid those situations. How should parents handle it when their children start to get sassy? Here are 10 great ways to deal with kids talking back to you.
- Ignore them – One of the simplest ways to deal with backtalk is to ignore it. This is certainly easier said than done, but could be very effective. When kids talk back they’re trying to get a reaction. By not reacting at all you completely eliminate their desired effect and take the wind right out of their sails.
- Nip it – It’s important to let kids know that talking back is not acceptable behavior and to nip it before it gets out of hand. Let you child know that you’re in charge and not going to tolerate any more backtalk.
- Stay calm – It’s crucial for parents to stay calm when this happens and not fly off the handle. Getting angry is just the reaction kids are looking for when they sass, so don’t play into their hand. Calmly inform them you have the final authority.
- Don’t argue – By engaging in an argument, you’re giving your kids their desired result. If your child continues to goad you, defer back to item number 1. By arguing you put the child on equal footing instead of you keeping the upper hand.
- Set rules – Let you kids know what the rules are in your household. Quite often children will see their friends talking back to their parents and try to mimic their behavior. When you see other kids arguing with their parents let you kids know that you don’t approve and won’t tolerate it with them.
- Consequences – When you set the rules make sure to establish consequences. If your kids want to argue about what time to be home when going out with friends, the result will be not going out at all.
- Pay attention to tone – Listen carefully to the child’s tone and also pay attention to your own. If the kids are being sarcastic, sassy or just plain belligerent, don’t mimic their tone. Keep your voice calm and authoritative and avoid mocking them.
- Respect – Let your kids know that you respect them and expect their respect in return. Show them that you can disagree without getting disrespectful and that you are the one with the final say. Mutual respect is a good way to diffuse a confrontational situation.
- Control – Make sure you stay in control if your kids talk back and don’t let things escalate to the point of no return. You can’t always control their behavior, so you need to control your own. This sets a good example to your kids that they can learn to emulate.
- Stay firm – Whatever you do, don’t give in and let the kids have the upper hand. Stay firm with your rules, consequences and tone. Caving to your children’s backtalk only encourages them to do it again and again.
If kids can talk they can start talking back. Even if you manage to stop the behavior at an early age, they will continue to test you as they get older. It’s all a part of the learning process and shouldn’t be unexpected. The important thing is to remember you are the parent and must remain the one in charge. When you’re out in public and observe kids getting sassy with their parents, mention it to your own children and let them know how much you appreciate their good behavior. It’s much better to reinforce the good than only point out the bad. Your kids will eventually appreciate it when they have to deal with their own children talking back to them.
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